Fear of the First Step

Human beings are so afraid of ‘the first step’ (I always feel so afraid of writing even the first word!). It is entrenched in our nature, intrinsic to our psychology. The baby is afraid of taking the first step. But at least it’s fear has purely instinctive basis- afraid of falling, afraid of hurting itself: physical injury. For us adults, it gets so much more complicated, and as difficult to overcome. It becomes psychological, emotional, spiritual and what not.

It is actually the fear of what is going to happen afterwards, how things are going to take their course, how are we going to fare after taking the plunge. O the big bad world is too big and bad for us, and hence the refuge lies in shrinking behind the first step and never crossing over and, hence, never finding out what’s on the other side. This fear of failure and, even more fatal to progress, fear of the unknown makes that first step into something of a monstrosity. And it devours every last drop of the potential we might have of entering into or initiating something new. We settle ourselves with the old and the familiar- the comfortable- but settling with what we are costs us the sacrifice of everything that we might be.

This subject is not as grandiose as it might appear, relating only to high ambitions and aims. It reflects in even the tiniest, apparently inconsequential things of the mundane life. I was afraid of even signing up for an account on WordPress, afraid of having to take the first step towards making it my own: choosing a theme 🙂 Afraid of writing the first word, as if I am about to sit in an exam with the whole vast world of internet as the invigilator and the judge.

I am afraid of starting my German language course, afraid of opening the first page of the book. Elaborate plans about proceeding with it, and vivid images of myself as the successful B1 Certificate holder form in my head and form many an hour’s mindless but blissful entertainment, but that first page, that first day of starting it all holds me back. And so the days pass (sigh!)

(I definitely have to get to that ‘first page stage’ SOON!)

To be continued as long as I have got something to say about it:)

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